do you ever find yourself counting down the seconds in your head until you believe you will act on something you don’t want to do? 3, 2, 1…ok..3…2…3…2..1…3…and it almost never helps. you count and count and count all the while sitting there, shaking like a coward before your duty.
tonight was one of those nights.
i have no idea how people do these countdown things without the knowledge that God will work it all together for the good, no matter the outcome. there’s enough fear of the unknown while having faith in God. i wouldn’t want to deal with the sole idea of faith in myself.
my world revolves around these countdowns right now. counting and breathing. it’s funny how when life gets really messy and complicated, we as humans resort to the roots of our existence to comfort us. aside from counting and breathing, i find that sweet simplicity in writing and praying.
i can honestly say God is my best friend right now. i know that He is the only one in the world who understands these things i’ve been dealing with. He’s the only one who seems to care about these things as much as i do. and He is the one who’s going to get me through it all. somehow — someday — i’ll come out on the other side. and it won’t be by counting to 3 or practicing yoga or journaling.
it’ll be the Holy Spirit interceding on my behalf for truth.
it will be Jesus’ work on the cross playing out it’s redemption in my life.
and it will be the strong arm of the Father that carries me in love.
there is no one else for me. none but Jesus.
crucified to set me free. now i live to bring You praise.